It’s funny how after you’ve been married for a year or two, the honeymoon phase wears off, and the things slowly start to change before you realize they are ruining your marriage. Truth?
You go about your day as the wife doing those things that you love, going to work, reading books, watching TV, and you start sinking back into old habits that we had before we even knew each other.
One Bad Habit Creeps In
As soon as the hormones and loving urges start to wear off, another bad habit starts to creep in before you know it. Then a few years ago by, maybe a kid or two come, and you find yourself wondering how you got here in the first place.
- What is this one bad habit that has actually created animosity between you two?
- What is this one bad habit that you never thought was a problem to begin with?
- What is this one bad habit that you automatically fall to in times of stress and frustration?
It’s not leaving your toothbrush on the wrong side of the sink.
It’s not him leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night.
It’s not absent-mindedly dropping clothes here and there across the floor and never putting them in the hamper.
The one bad habit that will end up ruining your marriage is selfishness.
How Selfishness is Ruining Your Marriage
Selfishness is something that affects all of us before we know it.
After a stressful day you come home wanting to be in your spouse’s loving embrace. Yet you’re greeted with his own frustrations and his own problems and all of the weariness of the day can wreak havoc.
- Selfishness is the thing that makes you want to say, “Whatever honey.”
- Selfishness is the thing that makes you to spend a little bit more than you know your hubby will be happy about.
- Selfishness is thinking of all the disagreements and struggles you have between each other.
- Selfishness is focusing on the negativity that your spouse brings.
- Selfishness is the root of every issue that you will deal with as husband and wife.
The hard part about selfishness is you do it without even thinking about it. When you have certain expectations and relationship factors play out in your mind that don’t end up happening:
- you get frustrated
- add your own selfishness into the mix
- and you react negatively towards your husband and other loved ones
It’s something that is ever-present and yet you can’t see it. When you are selfish, even in the manner that you feel is justified or acceptable, it still leaves discontentment, no matter what you do.
So let’s quit with all this negativity, huh? How do you get rid of this bad habit before it starts ruining your marriage?
Breaking Your Selfish Habit
Once I heard the greatest advice from a wise Elder that I look up to while I was in my twenties. He was asked what he thought was the key to a lasting happy marriage. And he said that “We must be unselfish.”
It’s the simple opposite of your bad habit of selfishness. When you choose to be unselfish in every aspect of your life, you can continually create a sense of love and connection that was forgotten in your marriage.
- when you choose to put your husband’s needs before your own
- when you choose to do the extra sweet thing that you know he enjoys
- when you remember to be patient and accepting of his faults
Only positive results will come from the unselfish moments.
If you think about it, if you only remember this one simple thing—to be unselfish—all of your interactions with your husband will help everything else will fall into place.
- Being unselfish is like the glue that holds the puzzle pieces piecing together as you both build the mosaic of your life.
- Being unselfish is showing the highest quality of love that you can in this life, which in turn creates the strongest bond between you as husband and wife.
So the next time that you feel irritation rising up inside of you, or you feel like he is not thinking of your needs …
Remember to simply be unselfish, and remember the love that you have for his whole person, flaws and all. And you will find that instead of breaking down your marriage, this healthy habit will build it up.
Slowly but surely, being unselfish creates other healthy patterns of habit that will strengthen and increase your love toward your husband.
Remembering To Be Unselfish
If you need to write the word on your mirror so that you see it every day, do it.
If you need to put a reminder in your phone for every single hour of the day, do it.
If you need to put a reminder on your desktop or the front of your notebook …
Wherever it may be to help you remember, do it.
After awhile you’ll soon find that you don’t need the reminder anymore. You’ll no longer have to see the words on your cell phone every day.
It will become a natural part of who you are, which in turn reinforces the best aspects of your husband. And that is worth being unselfish for.